I don’t know if it is old age, motherhood, fluctuating hormones, or a combination of all three, but I am getting stupid.  I hold a graduate degree, was Phi Beta Kappa, valedictorian of my high school class, and classified as “gifted” as a youngster.  I don’t say this to brag, but to establish a reasonable base of intelligence from whence I began.  Apparently, however, I have already peaked intellectually, and am on my way down the other side.

I never used to need an organizer, although I kept one anyway.  I could remember due dates, meetings, ideas that came to me in the middle of the night.  Now I sit at the computer gazing at the calendar page, trying to remember what I need to put on it.  Eventually I fill in all the information I can remember or find paper reminders for, but then I forget to check the calendar, and find myself in a constant last minute frenzy to meet the day’s obligations. 

I make a list before going to the grocery store.  I carefully check my list against the sale ads, and see which items I have coupons for.  Thus armed, but handicapped by three children, I brave the aisles of the local grocer.  Unfortunately, I usually forget my list, or drop it somewhere in the store.  Sometimes I check the list while shopping and still forget to buy everything on it.  Of course, that assumes that I remembered to put everything I needed on the list in the first place.  The real grocery store kicker is that we go through a gallon of milk a day, yet I always forget to buy milk.  Hellooo!  It doesn’t matter whether we have any at home or not, we need it!  We always need it!  Buy it every time you step through the door, dim wit! 

Now granted, much of the trip is spent issuing commands. 

“No, we are not getting that.  I said no!” 

“Stop pushing your brother.  I said stop!” 

“Don’t do that, you’re making a mess!” 

“Again?  You just went!  Julia, please take Jack to the bathroom.” 

“Ow!  Jamie!  Stop pinching me!” 

And so on and so forth.  Still, I thought women of my generation had perfected the art of multitasking.  I seem to be an outlier.  

I can lose permission slips for field trips without ever seeing them in the first place.  In the past year and a half, I accidentally threw away one pair of glasses, and ran over another (don’t ask).  And phone numbers?  Forget it (no pun intended).   Not only can I forget numbers I have dialed seven thousand times from memory, but I also like to “jot down” numbers given to me, and then throw away the paper on which I jotted. 

My daughter takes ice skating lessons.  Twice a week we travel 30 minutes each way to get to the rink.  I am a figure skating enthusiast as well, and when my husband is home and I don’t have to take Big Stinker and Bigger Stinker with us to the rink, I join my daughter on the ice.  We skated together last Saturday.  Wednesday, before leaving for the rink, I took my skates out of the bag so that when we arrived I could pull out her gear more quickly, since it is always a bit of a rush for us.  When we finally got to the rink and I had both boys and my daughter seated, I pulled out her skating socks, yanked them on, and then reached for her skates.  Except only one was hers.  I had brought one of her skates and one of mine.  We had to cancel her lesson and go home.  What makes it worse is that we have different color soakers (terry cloth covers to absorb moisture) on our blades.  It is very easy to identify whose are whose.  Unless you’re stupid.   

I can’t wait for the day when my daughter asks for help with her homework, and I can’t figure it out.  It shouldn’t be long.  She is extremely bright and …wait a minute.  Of course, how stupid (well, yeah, that’s what I’ve been saying).  The kids are sucking the life out of me and I really am getting stupid.  That must be why teenagers always think their parents are idiots.  They are idiots.  And when the children are grown and they realize their parents are actually quite bright after all, it is because the kids have left the nest and the intelligence has returned.  

Oh yes, I see it clearly now.  This is a natural life phase.  I haven’t lost my mind, it is merely on sabbatical.  Perhaps that is nature’s protection against the ravages of motherhood, like how the memory of childbirth pain fades and you go and have a second child anyway.   Yet despite my frequent brainpower outages, I have never yet accidentally forgotten a child somewhere, knock on wood (I am knocking on my skull as I type).  I do not forget birthdays, anniversaries, or special days of any sort.  So there is still something left there, I suppose.   Yes, yes, the intelligence drain must be selective!  And that is why…  

I was going to finish that thought, but I forgot what I was going to say.  Well, never mind, I have to go to the store for milk.

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