Apparently there is a serious sexual crisis in the country. I am inferring this from the amount of emails I receive offering to help solve the problem. Since I get about 40 of these a day, and have never responded to a single one, I can only assume that somebody, lots of somebodies, are responding, or there would be nothing in it for all these “companies”.
Well, let’s crunch some numbers. This is purely unscientific, mind you. I receive 40 a day. There must be more providers that do not have my email address. I am going to guesstimate that out of the entire country, my 40 are only 1% of the total. Therefore, there are at least 4000 email providers of this sort of service. This is excluding legitimate medical services, commonly referred to as “doctors”. I found companies on the internet willing to provide email lists containing from 1 million to 300 million consumers. So being conservative, let’s say our 4000 providers each email daily, 5 days a week, to only 500,000 prospects. That would be a total of 2,000,000,000 emails daily! Now let’s say that each provider gets a purchase rate of only ½ % on average each day, or 2500 purchases per day. For all 4000 providers, that would be 4000 x 2500 = 10,000,000 purchases daily. That is 50,000,000 per week, or 200,000,000 purchases of medical aids for sexual dysfunction per month! Just from spam!
Holy smokes! The future of humanity is at stake. If that many men, and I say men since most of the products are directed at male sexual dysfunction, can’t get the horse out of the barn, we are looking at the eventual extinction of the human race. I am so fortunate to have found my husband before all the working models were taken! My children are an even greater miracle than I realized!
OK, so that is all fun and games, and we know the numbers cannot be right, but clearly somebody is buying these drugs, and a lot of it, or all these people wouldn’t be peddling it! It is interesting to note the different approaches used. Some of them have misleading subject titles, like “your application”, and then when you see the email, it is a list of prices for Viagra, Cialis, etc. Others are truly odd. Try “overtask repugnant”, or “don’t blame on me”. Clearly the foreign market has caught on to the vast opportunity here.
Other subjects are cleverly disguised spelling of the drugs, to fool our spam blockers.
V!@gr@, for example. And then there is the soft porn approach. “Don’t be humiliated.”
“His buy apparatus.” “Enlargement for you.” And, of course, the direct approach, which cannot be reprinted here.
I’m sure I am not the only stay at home mom, of the female variety, receiving such messages. Obviously these entrepreneurs do not know how to sell drugs to tired mothers and wives. Why not try a subject line like “Make husband hire maid”, or “No cook, eat out”. I’d click on those links. I might even buy! How about “Husband help kids, mom sleep”. Wait a second…now that I think about it, that might really work. I mean, consider it, if my husband was as chemically wired as these ads claim, I could get him to do anything. Dishes, dust bunnies, homework, field trips, foot massage, change the litter box…the possibilities! The whole family could benefit! Yes, yes, I think I like this idea…worth a try…
I need to go get my credit card. I have a purchase to make.